At the time Candice Brathwaite discovered that she was carrying a baby, she wanted more knowledge regarding what was waiting for her as a parent. However, she found out shortly that, being a Black female, she was not represented in the established media regarding being a mother. All that existed was unfavorable portrayals soaked in cliches and bias.
Although Brathwaite empathized with some white “mom blog writers” and writers of books, a majority of her findings looked like they were from aliens. Black moms from the UK are anxious about things that white moms might not even think about. Could they obtain proper treatment to get through giving birth to a baby? Would her baby’s name obstruct him/her from obtaining the chance for an interview for a job? What would be the way she could raise her son/daughter to survive racist actions or refrain from being attacked while going to school?
Throughout this book summary, we will go through anything Brathwaite wished she would have known at the time she initially got pregnant. As a prospective Black mother or father, you can obtain information with these original tales of a person who experienced everything before you. As a white, you can obtain information regarding the way justice to anyone regardless of race is required for battling against inequity.
Throughout this book summary, we will understand
- the reason for the categorization of “baby mother” being very detrimental;
- the way therapeutic carelessness almost caused Candice to die following giving birth to her baby girl; and
- the reason for her to turn out obsessive with obtaining a baby carriage in the brand “Bugaboo” no matter the cost was.
Chapter 1 – Impacted from her times as a kid, Candice was enormously uncertain regarding being a mom inside.
Raised being the oldest kid of her mom with 3 kids, Candice realized the extent of difficulty of being a mom and growing her kids by herself. Fighting with misery and overburden, her mom was not anytime ready at the time her kids needed. Therefore, at the age of 11, Candice needed to fill the gap, looking after her siblings and assisting her mother in housekeeping.
These experiences added to the numerous unfavorable tags she raised together with regarding Black moms around the UK, she determined not to be pregnant for her kids in the future.
However, around her initial times of the 20s, an inadvertent pregnancy let her encounter a challenging choice. Being uncertain regarding having a baby, she understood that she could not rely on her boyfriend as the dad. Candice would not like to have the burden of being an alone mom while her life as an adult had been starting.
The thought of her baby during the age of 20s had been a very difficult fact to ingest for Candice. Resisting the unfavorable categorizations, she would not like to be considered as the “baby mom” – the Black female departed from to grow her kid by herself, generally since there is no father presence or availability.
Therefore, she continued with the decision of abortion, the decision which she thought had been the correct one in these circumstances. She had been fortuitous for getting help from her grandmom and great therapeutic employees while she was recovering.
At the time she turned out pregnant once more while she was 26 years old, she was thinking differently. The things that transformed? At that moment, she was an older woman and was feeling readier than before. Furthermore, most significantly, she loved the father of this baby like crazy and she thought that this man could be the perfect father.
Notwithstanding her previous uncertainty regarding being a mom, she determined to go for it. However, that did not take a long time for Candice to discover that any of her anxiety regarding the discrimination Black families faced was correct.
Chapter 2 – Presentation of Black fathers in the media is detrimental, wrong, and maintains stereotypes.
While she was full of enthusiasm and expectancy, the initial medical control of Candice was broken due to a discriminatory microaggression. The medical person mistrustfully inquired her regarding the place of the father of this baby – the inference here was that he was not thinking that this baby’s father would be actively involved in the life of this baby.
Candice was extremely furious. She could understand that this doctor would not inquire a white female like that with this inquiry. This doctor was carrying any of those discriminatory biases she was concerned about – the “baby mom” having a man, escaped from the dad’s duties.
Although Candice had an alone mom, she saw good men as examples while she was getting older. Her granddad had been her main caretaker during the initial times in Candice’s life. Her granddad had been the one who carefully polished their house and baked tasty foods. Her dad had a significant piece in Candice’s life as well. Despite her mom and dad divorced while she had been a baby, Candice’s dad had been dedicated to her. He visited her all weekends and holidays.
The males who assisted her to grow up let her understand she can accomplish everything and become the thing she desired. They solidified that she is beautiful from birth and precious. This assistance assisted her to withstand the distressing instances while she was getting older. Around the age of 18, she was assaulted by someone they know. That was very hard for her to explain this situation or even name this assault. That influenced her self-confidence and development immensely. This influenced the types of intercourses she looked for, many of those were with males that did not think she was worthy.
However, everything was different at the time she encountered Bode, the male who she wanted as her spouse. At the time she observed the way he was devoted to his child from his earlier intercourse, she understood that she met the male who would not fail to be an encouraging dad and husband.
That is correct that a lot of Black females have been coerced to be alone moms with dads who are not included a lot in growing their kids. However, it is not the end of this tale. The presentation in the media regarding the tale of “baby mom” has been wrong, not full, and from a single perspective. That makes Black dads evil with no thinking on the way regularized discrimination influences these people.
Chapter 3 – Bode and Candice had no money, however, they would like their child to have a distinct future.
At the moment Candice determined that she will have her baby, she was obsessed with one single aspect: buying a Bugaboo baby carriage. Carriages in this brand were elegant and their designs were lovely. These carriages were like Rolls Royce in terms of baby carriages.
What was the issue? Those were not inexpensive. Including the extras, the Bugaboo baby carriages could reach more than 1000 pounds – the amount that Bode and she did not own certainly. They could barely pay for rent and generally feed with rice and canned salmon for decreasing costs.
That dinner had been only too well known through her times as a kid. She had been in poverty at the time she was at the age of 8, being pushed to stay with her mom. Until that time, she had been living with her granddad and grandmom. They were very thoughtful of money and saved some, by those they lushed her with feasts and holidays in Barbados.
However, at the time Candice went to her mother’s, any luxurious experiences disappeared. Although she was working for additional hours, her mother only earned to get along the day. They had been expelled from their house and moved from one council house to another 8 times just in a few annum. This unstable housing condition had not been distinctive: over ⅔ of Black families could not earn enough for purchasing a house.
Numbers of 2017 demonstrate that initial house buyers in the UK took £6 billion from mothers and fathers for paying for mortgages and deposits. However, when your family has no money, they would not own any money to give to you. Being penniless passes to the further generations like wealth.
Teenage Black people, however, own the contrary of advantages generally given to teenage whites. They have often been anticipated to back up their huge families, as the situation of Bode, who monthly gives some money to his family that lives in Nigeria. With no monetary support, they have been less independent to go for free internships or attempts that need capital for establishing a new company. Therefore, teenage Black people have generally been at the textural deficit when they want to provide their kids with chances.
Brathwaite grasped these, and the injustice gave. Although she cannot adjust this monetary inequity in a night, she might follow a further improbable dream: owning the Bugaboo baby carriage. Candice’s baby could be raised in an uneven environment, however, she could do it with a Bugaboo. That was not only a useless luxury but a method to survive. For getting away from the seal of indigence, her baby required to seem millions of dollars – although her mom and dad needed to be economical to pay for the monthly house money.
Chapter 4 – A Black person’s name may influence the way they moved around the world, with the chances they could obtain.
Among the first recollections of Candice was watching the Roots movie with her dad regarding Kunta Kinte’s experiences, the boy from the Gambia who was a slave and apprehended. In a dreadful scene, the boy was whipped continuously by the estate holder since he will not admit his new name given. Almost dying because of being assaulted violently, eventually, he admitted his new name, Toby. That was the concluding drop of his origin.
At that time even, Candice could understand that this change of name of Kunta to Toby was related to her name, looked like a white’s name. Borning Black meant you needed to assimilate into whites and have names to mingle with the people who have been pressuring you.
Growing up, she was too thankful for her racially undistinctive name saved her from differentiation. There exists a reason. It is completely evidenced that bias because of name is in place for admitting into universities, and selections for job vacancies. Research in 2009 demonstrated that candidates with names that sound like white had 74% more possibility for getting a favorable reply compared to people having names related to minority groups.
Therefore, while selecting a name for her baby, Candice needed to make a cumbersome decision. The luxury of naming a baby with anything was not there for Black people if they do not have money like Beyoncé. Brathwaite understood that her baby’s name could be the name of a fruit or color or anything else. Although she would like to, she could not name her baby with a name that was related to Black origin. Rather, she needed to look for a name that let them hide in front of the eyes. The baby’s name would make sure their documents will not be thrown away without looking at the competencies when they apply for something.
Naming had only been the initial stage in the duty that would engage Bode and Candice in the life of their baby. They continuously turn back to the exact anxiety of the way to save their babies from discrimination and bias. This involved the way to equilibrate the requirement to incorporate into the world of whites for chances without dropping the vision of the Black origin. To explain, what was the way they could connect with Kunta while talking with Toby?
What to have from a name? A lot for Black kids.
Chapter 5 – Candice was almost dying after her baby was born since her anxiety was not considered because of being Black.
Following the birth of her baby, Candice understood that things were not right. She had sweats on sheets each night, could not climb even one stair, and was feeling extremely dizzy. Furthermore, a sinister chunk was expanding below the cut of the cesarean. She explained to her midwives who inspect her, however, they persisted that anything is ordinary. For them, Candice’s body was just healing from the birth of the baby. The chunk was just the scar tissue.
In a night, she got up with a bad smell like rotten pigs. Her baby was sleeping on her she thought she had pooped. However, there was nothing in the diaper. Rather, she saw green and black slime coming down her legs.
She went to hospital unconsciously while her body was going on an infected shock. Fortunately, she is treated just at the correct time, however, if she would have been later a bit, she might have been dead.
This may look like a huge unlucky instance, however, this is more. The truth that nobody regarded her words although she complained continuously that things were not correct has been the proof that the medical structure is failing Black females routinely.
Numbers demonstrate that Black females from the UK are 5 times further possible to die after giving birth to a baby compared to white females. Their kids have been over 2 times possible to become stillborn and fifty percent further possible to be dead in the 28 days after they were born.
How can one describe this differentiation? Medical specialists discuss that Black females further tend to have diseases related to pregnancy. However, Candice saw as the first person that she and her husband were shown little consideration in the hospital. Their inquiries were answered with rolling eyes and moodiness. That was obvious that they were anticipated to be silent and obey the protocols in front of them. That was not only her experience. Even rich people such as Serena Wiliams – who could pay for the fanciest medicine – explained that she was treated carelessly at the time she was having her baby.
Following approximately a month of healing, Candice felt sufficiently strong to turn back home. However, healing psychologically from this instance required longer times.
Chapter 6 – Similar to other moms, Candice experienced post-birth misery following her daughter was born.
If someone believes in the shiny and happy life in magazines and Instagram pictures, being a mother is something like an enjoyable vacation. You will look in the eyes of your baby, breastfeed wearing flowy gowns, and make organic meals for your baby.
The truth for a lot of females has been annoyingly distinct. Candice experienced a gloomy depression after her hospital time. She went through a highly damaging therapeutic catastrophe and was in the process of healing. She was estranged from her little girl, Esmé. She could not see her initial month – the crucial time for the baby and the mom to establish bonds.
Candice sensed desperation and loneliness progressively, fighting with long same days of taking care of the baby at the time her husband was working. She required assistance, however, she could not acknowledge this.
One day while she was at the age of 5, Candice saw her mother leaning inert. She screamed and vibrated her mom which did not help. By repeating what she saw on television, she called the medical center and wanted an ambulance to come home.
Her mom had excessive amounts of drugs, this was not the initial instance. She fought with extreme depression while Candice was a kid. When she observed her mom in the mentally ill hospital, Candice promised that she would not turn out ill mentally. She turned out an alone fighter, providing evidence of being flexible in the areas that her mom could not have been.
However, currently, the post-birth depression made her give up. Gratefully, her mom reached her for saving her. She realized that Candice required assistance and heartened her to see a physician. Candice began to take antidepressants and became greater. Furthermore, she talked about what she was living with her husband, and that helped further in fighting the chagrin she sensed because of having depression.
She recognized that many Black moms encircling her were living similar things. They were anticipated to be powerful without getting tired – being the columns that hold everyone up. However, no one had a minute to think of the type of assistance they required.
It required some time, however, steadily Candice began to sense greater. She went out with her peers, had time for exercising, and began to get used to being a mom. That was not anything near to the shiny mother magazines, however, that was the reality.
Chapter 7 – Brathwaite could not grow her baby in London securely, however, movement generated other hardships.
Candice has always been in the city. She knew every inch of London inside out. Her living is written in the streets of cities. She knew the way to stop a taxi and the places of the most exquisite meals.
London had been the house for her, however, after she found out she was pregnant with a son in 2017, she recognized that this place cannot be the home for her family. Strict financial policies or savings of the government told her that community places and schemes for teenagers were broken, and financial aids for schools were decreased. Those transformations immensely influenced Black people, making them drown in poverty further.
A terrible conclusion had been the peak in severe stabbing offenses as drug sellers work for hiring Black people for their crews.
2018 had been the most violent year of London in the decade, having 134 lives lost because of stabbing assaults. 2019 passed worse. The threat was hidden everywhere for teenage Black males, who might be left in the middle of a bombardment although they could save themselves from crew hiring. Law enforcement officers let anything be worse with brutal naked searches which caused Black people to sense like they were guilty because they were Black-skinned. Bode and Candice recognized that they might never assure their child’s security in such circumstances. They were required to move from London, a place they were used to.
The settlement they went around the Milton Keynes district looked like a fairytale, however, for some perspectives, that was a further complicated place to grow Black kids. Different from London, a place that had diversity, this place was homogenous according to race. To be true, in that place, just they were a Black family.
That did not take time for discriminatory occurrences to happen. One day, Esmé turned back home wanting her hair to be cut off since the kids around her were telling her that her hair was “rough”. Another day, Candice was angry to hear that somebody at the age of 5 in the class of Esmé did not want to play since the skin of Esmé was “very dark”. Worst, the discriminatory event was cleared off from the school, which rejected to talk with the parents of that girl.
Bode and Candice moved from London to develop a more secure life for their kids, however, they learned that threat might be in any shape – the open assault of stabbing or the fine-drawn severity of discriminatory microaggressions stacking on the little shoulders of the age of 5, becoming her skin color.
Chapter 8 – Because of the absence of portrayal, Candice was stimulated into telling tales regarding being a mom.
The internet is meant to be an equal place for everybody in telling their tales freely. However, as Candice searched through the blogs such as Mumsnet or discovered intentionally made Instagram pictures, she was tired of browsing through the one perspective portrayal of being a mom. On the internet, lots of fit, white females were doing yoga, however, nobody could see the other skin-colored females.
Discovering the requirement to close this gap, she was determined not to wait for other tales to be portrayed. Rather, she could, with herself, oppose the media’s deficiency in portraying different moms – beginning a novel, strengthening experiences of herself.
By working on marketing and publishing, she knew that there had been an increasing interest in blogging, a lot of them were earning great money providing novel content. Observing that there did not exist a Black portrayal listed on the major “mom bloggers”, she was determined to be a blogger. She would like to be utmost original as she could although her society was against publishing about financial problems, mental health, and post-birth depression. All she wanted to do was to make other Black moms in the UK that they are not the only ones – and that other females go through the same issues. Candice would like to cut the quietness that made her feel alone as a fresh mom. However, she did not choose to write regarding bad moments. She would like to demonstrate a unique look at the core Black family, having further than just surviving, that was developing.
Her duty developed even farther than constructing a place for talking about what she lived. More basically, she would like to oppose the overpowering shiny magazine look of being a mom. Around 2017, her platform is created. “Let Motherhood Diverse”, her website fastly took devoted followers and let individuals speak regarding their diverse and distinct instances of being a parent from all types of families, involving partners from different races, couples of the same sex, and families with disabled spouses. With the involvement of different tales, Candice recognized that her website influenced lots of individuals.
Detrimental categorizations regarding Black moms from the UK were almost making Candice give up on being a mother herself. However, those similar categorizations have stimulated her in discovering her power. She constructed her big career devoted to the tales she required while she was at the age of 26, worriedly sensing her path into being a Black mom.
I Am Not Your Baby Mother by Candice Brathwaite Book Review
Black moms from the UK would face discriminatory categorizations and bias anywhere they go. At the time they are carrying their babies, they do not only think about the furniture of their babies’ rooms or which clothes to purchase for them. They are required to think about the way to provide a secure life to their kids in the middle of a racist environment and provide them with chances in communities where they were discriminated against. By talking about the hardships she faced, Candice has constructed a place Black moms could publish their tales and stand behind each other.
Practice until you perfect it.
A lot of individuals mock the truth that indigent people give their little money to expensive cars, designer shoes, and dresses. However, Brathwaite knew from her experience that indigent individuals cannot be unconcerned regarding the way they look. For battling with the disgrace and obtaining a chance in the community that thinks success is money, you may control your outlook. Clothes from designers may be bought with reduced prices from the internet such as Gumtree or Craigslist.