Loving What Is by Byron Katie (Book Summary)


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Do you feel under pressure? Are you upset with life, or tired by the world and all its issues? Many people feel that way, and sadly, most are do nothing and accept a nervous living – as there looks to be no choice.

Still, there are choices! An origin of stress or worry that can’t be beaten doesn’t exist; you only have to behave rightly to things that make feel you under pressure.

This summary tells about a basic way which called ”The Work,” to handle life’s stresses. You can live a delighted and more completed life, by understanding the easy steps of ”The Work.”


1 – By understanding and dominating your own mind, you can handle your stress.


You’re in a relationship for a long time and have been blissful for years. But you’ve begun to think that your mate is not in love with you no longer.

Your stress increases as you try to devise methods to make your mate love you again, in this imaginary status. But that’s unfeasible! So you must carry your stress and sorrow during living. Is it true?

False. Stress isn’t caused by your cases or individuals’ in your living, it’s caused by the explication of cases or the effects of friends and beloveds.

So the thing that makes you sad is not your mate’s artificial love but it’s your comment on your mate’s feelings. You’ve actually figured out that your mate is not in love with you no longer, according to her attitude. Whenever she doesn’t remember to give a goodbye kiss to you, thoughts in your mind becomes like that: She doesn’t care about me.

How can you tide over this status? Okay, stress is a creature of your mind, so you have to modify your mind. Now, ”The Work” gets in.



Begin by noting down the thoughts that are disturbing you. On our imaginary example, you’d note, ”My relationship seems to fail because my mate is not in love with me anymore.”

Secondly, by questioning yourself with four basic inquiries, examine your noted thoughts.

Is this actually right? To be certain that you’re not so hasty, analyze your mate’s movements again.

Can I be exactly certain of its reality? Think of the possibility that there is another comment that explains your mate’s actions.


What does this thinking make you do? Occasionally, we provide ourselves more stressed, when we’re worried. You may be looking for proof that your mate’s not in love with you because you’re actually paranoid.

Who would you become without this idea? In this status, you’d be more delighted and take pleasure in your relationship more.

The replies to these four inquiries will make you understand your bad thoughts, so you can start to do something to feel good.


2 – By transforming stressful thoughts into the opposite, you can understand many about yourself and your emotions.


After you’ve replied The Work’s four inquiries, you have to understand more the thoughts that make you stressed and sad.

Now, Turnaround comes in.

The Turnaround is the final footstep of The Work. It’s about focusing on turn your thinkings around to find profound facts about yourself, your emotions and your state.

In case your thoughts make you think that your mate is not in love with you and your relationship is failing, turn those thoughts around and view the event.

You have to try nearing your issue from a dissimilar corner. Perhaps your mate actually loves you and you’ve been just thinking incorrect way.

Then, come close to this recent thought with the same old inquiries from The Work. You’ll win a new grip into your instability when you deeply analyze the reverse of your first thoughts.

Don’t stand there! Count all probabilities and turn them all around, then view how these dissimilar events lead you sense.



For instance, is there a probability that it’s really you who is not in love with your mate, and this is the origin of disturb between you two? Or in fact, do you have a problem with loving yourself? Do you feel upset about another issue in your living and reflecting that on to your mate?

You’ll have dissimilar emotions and effects to all of these probabilities so you have to think of them meticulously.



At the end, which idea or emotion should be able to lead you? There is no certain rule: let the thoughts that are actually right for you to lead you. Walk with what senses right.

”The Work” just gives you choices – it doesn’t bring you a simple answer. 


3 – Don’t let the things that you can’t modify to stress you – be interested in things that you can modify.


Have you ever been mad just because the weather was inappropriate and you had to give up important plans like a birthday BBQ? Did you damn your chance, yelling ”It can’t rain, it’s not equitable!”

Surely, we’ve all sensed like this at a point or another. But you’re just trying to battle forces that you can’t control while you feel upset with bad weather.

The facts don’t change by your disappointment. You won’t be helped by stress – it only will provide you to feel upset, frustrated and weak. You just can’t do anything about the weather!

The most important way to reach bliss isn’t modifying the truth, but it’s discovering your real space in the truths you can’t modify.

When we face huge issues, such as war, starvation or environmental pollution, we generally feel choked. These are strong powers, and there is almost nothing we can do about them as a single person.

You will be unsuccessful in case you try to unravel the world’s issues alone. You’ll just be mad at the individuals you think is liable. That rage may motivate you, but it may leave you in stress as well.

In place of that, be sure about the small alterations you can handle. When you see that you can provide a distinction even in a minor method, you’ll be feeling good.

Your movements will also seem to you simpler – you’ll discover things that you can do without pressure, fury or disappointment.



For instance, you can’t stop a big firm from cutting down the trees, but you can stop using what they produce. You have to understand that you can do something concerning the issue and you’ll sense much more pleased.

You can use ”The Work” in all parts of living – job, family, relationship.

An idea that says The Work is pretty straightforward to help you solve life’s huge issues may come to your mind. Absolutely, it may make you get over your fears or repair your relationship, but it can’t make you gain money or solve profession problems, right?

False again!


4- You can be helped by ”The Work” in all parts of your living: companionship, love, career or other things.


Imagine Joe is battling in his work partnership. He feels stressed, as he considers his work associate is not that authorized for the work, particularly about accountancy. His thoughts about his associate are building coldness between the two people.

By trying to do what The Work suggests, Joe could win a lot of things to examine his career status. 

What if Joe turned his ideas around when he may consider his associate can’t do anything? Joe may become aware of that his associate is not strong in some parts but definitely powerful in others. Even if his associate has problems with accountancy, he still may be inevitable.

In case Joe would be interested in more positive ideas, he wouldn’t only feel good than he considered, he’d be running his job more actively as well.



In all parts of your living, when you do what The Work suggests, you’ll see that you’ve been hurting yourself for nothing. Sometimes the senses that hurt us aren’t that clear, and sometimes they’re so clear that we don’t even understand that it’s our senses that are building the issue!

Despite all your rough work, do you battle to catch profession targets? If so, think of what you’re really working for. Do you actually have to be financially accomplished to be pleased? If the answer is no, you may be taking yourself under pressure to work for something you don’t really wish or need.

Are you certain you aren’t trying to catch bliss instead? ”The Work” will make you discover your real way!


Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life by Byron Katie Book Review


You shouldn’t let defiances of life to wreck you. Stress, dread and other bad feelings all are creatures of your comments on your perimeter, not the perimeter itself. Apply ”The Work” to understand deeply your own senses. When you take control of your brain, you’ll discover internal peace and really be delighted.


Note down your thoughts.

If you can read your thoughts, you can understand them deeper! Do don’t perform The Work in your mind, note down your opinions so you can exactly grip everything that comes to your mind.


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Savaş Ateş

I'm a software engineer. I like reading books and writing summaries. I like to play soccer too :) Good Reads Profile: https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/106467014-sava-ate

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