Self-love is simply the final location, or something like that help masters, bloggers, and powerhouses would have you accept. They guarantee that when you at last show up in confidence, you’ll know in the center of your heart that you’re great. You’ll feel cheerful and complete.
Yet, on the off chance that you follow their recommendation, you’ll end up reaching a stopping point consistently. You’ll be so depleted from attempting to cherish yourself that it’s basically impossible that you can adore any other person. This, thusly, will make you lonelier than any time in recent memory before.
The issue is that you’re being taken care of an untruth. You’ll never “be sufficient” in light of the fact that absolute enthusiastic or profound independence is outlandish. Nonetheless, that doesn’t mean you need to live without happiness and which means. To bring interminable love into your life, you simply need to quit looking for it inside yourself. As these chapters show, you can rather go to a beautiful source that won’t ever let you down which is God.
In these chapters, you’ll find out
- Why following your heart isn’t the happiest way to live;
- how to shift your life’s emphasis in order to attain real happiness; and
- the reason why you shouldn’t be afraid to love people.
Chapter 1 – Trying to love yourself won’t make you happy or fulfilled.
How many different paths to self-improvement have you taken? Maybe you’ve read a few books, made dietary changes, and listened to podcasts. However, nothing you do provides a long-term result. So you try the next cure, hoping to find the key that would unlock the perfect version of yourself, the one who will offer you the happiness you deserve.
You’re not alone if this sounds similar. Many people in America are on the lookout for self-love. It all began 50 years ago when psychologists recognized self-esteem as a means of addressing societal issues such as crime and education. Sadly, focusing on how we feel about ourselves has resulted in us being less happy.
You undoubtedly had some lofty goals when you were younger. Perhaps you aspired to be the next Britney Spears. However, as you got older, you realized that your dream may have been a delusion. You wished to be a pop princess, but you lacked the necessary skill. You weren’t good enough – you weren’t good enough as a person to make your goal a reality.
However, you’re getting a different message from lifestyle bloggers and spiritual Sherpas as an adult. They believe you are sufficient. They believe you are sufficient. You have what it takes to do anything, from taking care of your family to excelling at work.
This may provide temporary relief. However, something will ultimately contradict what you’ve been told. Perhaps your kid refuses to nap, or you fail to meet a crucial deadline. Or perhaps, no matter how hard you try, you just can’t seem to love yourself in the mirror. Then, feeling defeated, you’ll persuade yourself that the next practice or lifestyle modification will be the one that ultimately succeeds.
But there’s a catch: an issue can never be solved by itself. You won’t discover the solution for insecurity inside you if you’re feeling insecure. You’ll have to search for an alternative outside of yourself. That’s why pursuing self-love may leave you weary, hollow, and aimless.
However, there is a place where you may find the serenity you seek: God’s love. Self-love can exhaust you, but God’s love endures forever. You no longer need to love yourself excessively if you realize that God will love you despite your flaws. You no longer need to idolize your flawed self since God is your source of adequacy and purpose.
Chapter 2 – Trying to be good enough may be dangerous.
Allie Beth Stuckey, the author, received word that she was dying not long after she finished college. She wasn’t in the emergency room or being held at gunpoint; instead, she was in a therapy session. When she recognized that these self-destructive habits had become a lifestyle, she requested assistance.
Stuckey discovered the source of her destructive conduct via counseling: a painful breakup in her senior year. To cope, she began to use flings and drink to distract herself from the sting of rejection. She was also obsessed with the notion that she wasn’t good enough — and that she should be. She convinced herself that if she wanted to attract men, she needed to lose weight. She was soon puking up everything she had eaten.
This conduct didn’t assist her at all. It was actually endangering her life, according to her therapist. The issue wasn’t that she will not be enough; it was that she believed she had to be.
Stuckey’s vehicle broke down after her meeting with her therapist. She’d converted to Christianity in her final semester of college, but she’d separated herself from God following the split in order to focus on herself. She was worried that having to fully feel her grief while waiting for God to cure her would be too painful.
Stuckey prayed to God for assistance while alone in her car. She realized that the only way to overcome her eating issue was to admit that she couldn’t cure herself since she lacked the necessary skills. The realization that she wasn’t good enough was the first step toward a better lifestyle.
Stuckey needed help from someone greater than herself to get her life back in order. That was Jesus Christ for her. She decided to concentrate on Jesus, who she feels is the ultimate source of peace and satisfaction, rather than allowing herself to be defined by who she was or obsessing on why she was alive.
You don’t have to be perfect to be enough, as Jesus tells you. He can give you the identity and purpose you’ve been looking for for a long time. He can give you the identity and purpose you’ve been looking for for a long time. You don’t have to have all the answers because Jesus can give you all you need. This dispels the notion that you have a mysterious inner power that can cure all your issues if you only knew how to tap into it.
Chapter 3 – Your emotions will not guide you to the truth.
Chloe was about to go on a once-in-a-lifetime trip. She’d left her Texas hometown and embarked on a voyage of self-discovery across Europe. But she wasn’t just going on a vacation to see the sights. She’d been raped brutally at home and acquired drug and alcohol addictions to dull the agony. She was now boldly traveling the path of inner recovery, expressing her self-worth every step along the way, having defeated those addictions.
Chloe had been advised by authors, travel bloggers, and friends that following her heart would cure her; all she had to do was be true to herself by living in the moment. For Chloe, this meant meeting a new guy in each place she traveled to. But when her lover vanished, all it did was make her feel humiliated and used. Living her truth wasn’t bringing her any joy.
Motivational speakers argue that your heart holds the truth about who you are, such as best-selling author Brené Brown. They believe that all you have to do to find your true self is follow your heart. However, your emotions will often drive you to short remedies, such as Chloe’s impulsive dating. This won’t help you heal old wounds or address old errors; most of the time, it’ll only leave you feeling empty.
This occurs because you’re human, which means your emotions and thoughts are frequently ambiguous. You run the danger of constructing your own reality on a shaky basis if you decide on your own truth. And a reality based on the ephemeral nature of your intellect and emotions can never provide you with the clarity you want.
However, the author thinks that if you seek answers in God, you will discover a continuous standard that will provide you with the stability you desire. You can improve your knowledge of God’s truth by reading the Bible. The Bible is not affected by the newest social media fad or anyone’s self-interest since it is God’s Word. That is, it will assist you in distinguishing between what is truly true and what you wish to be true.
You’ll be better equipped to analyze how to live according to God’s will once you’ve acknowledged that truth originates from the Bible. You may select the route God wants you to go rather than being swayed by fads and sensations.
Chapter 4 – There is no such thing as a flawless individual.
Stuckey was anxious to have her brows waxed while she was in middle school. Her mother, on the other hand, would not allow it. As a result, Stuckey decided to take matters into her own hands. She tried a DIY brow shaping with her mother’s razor. What’s the ultimate result? She chopped off half a brow inadvertently. And, of course, school photos were scheduled for the next day.
Stuckey, like many other females, had been told since she was a child that she was perfect. At the same time, she was told again and over that she needed to do something to improve herself. She had to shave her legs, put on lipstick, and crimp her hair in order to seem presentable. She’d be able to release her ultimate perfection in this manner. But perfection – both inside and out – is a mirage.
Self-love culture on the internet is rife with declarations that you’re great just the way you are. You’ll feel whole if you can exhibit your natural excellence. To do so, you’ll need to take action: clean out your closet, follow basic rules, and change your diet.
Even if you adhere to such a program, you never seem to arrive at the promised destination — real self-acceptance and love. “It’s not you!” asserts your perfection coach. External factors, on the other hand, are stopping you from completely achieving your perfection. Capitalism, your parents, your lover, and maybe even astronomical movements are all conspiring to prevent you from living your greatest life.
This relieves you of the burden of duty. It’s no surprise you haven’t found your true self yet! You’re being undermined all the time.
In truth, your quest for perfection is doomed from the beginning. No one is flawless, even those who accept responsibility for their life, so striving for perfection will not bring you the satisfaction you seek. Instead of focusing your energies on achieving the unattainable, you should redirect them to developing a strong connection with God, which will offer you fulfillment.
You are not expected to be flawless by God. He is well aware that this is unattainable. He wants you to strive for kindness, love, joy, serenity, and self-control, and to embody the universal traits of his spirit. Instead of attempting to be flawless, make this your goal, and you’ll escape the disappointment that comes with continuously trying to be the smartest, most successful, and most attractive person you know.
Chapter 5 – Your ideal work will not make you whole.
Stuckey knew she wanted to be a public speaker since she was a child. She just didn’t know how to go about doing it. However, her interest in politics provided her with the necessary entry point. She began speaking to sororities in 2015 about the significance of voting in presidential primary elections. By 2017, Fox News has secured her appearances on their programs.
Stuckey is now pursuing her dreams of authoring books, hosting a podcast, and commentating on television. She operates from home and is compensated for doing what she enjoys. However, this does not imply that every workday is enjoyable. Her pleasure fluctuates in response to the triumphs and challenges that her profession presents. Even the ideal work is insufficient.
People will tell you that you deserve anything you desire if you go on any social media network. And that you have the right to anything, even your ideal career. If you go a little farther into the internet realm, the #girlboss community — a group of online driven, successful women – will explain what this job entails. They’ll tell you that it should combine passion and money with significance to ensure your satisfaction. And it has to be something you’re both obsessed with and happy with.
This perspective not only sets you up for disappointment but also sets you up for failure. It also ignores the fact that meaning may be found in a wide range of occupations, even ones that aren’t quite “ideal.” Even if a job doesn’t check all of the boxes on the #girlboss list, it can still be beneficial to society. And if you do it properly, you may still get a lot of enjoyment out of it.
Whether you’re in your dream job or not, work gives you meaning and dignity. People who have the ability to work but refuse to do so frequently suffer emotionally and spiritually as well as financially because people need to feel needed. Work satisfies this requirement.
However, this does not imply that labor can make you whole. Nothing – not even your dream career – can achieve that. In a culture that claims you have the right to everything you desire, it’s easy to see God as a sort of genie who should grant your every request. You, on the other hand, are here to serve God, not the other way around. It will offer you delight to know that he will always be with you, no matter whatever your work title is.
Chapter 6 – How much you love yourself has nothing to do with your ability to love others.
Stuckey helped at Camp Barnabas, a camp for persons with special needs, during his junior year of high school. She spent the week ensuring that her allocated camper had the most enjoyable experience possible. It was a difficult labor, but it was far more gratifying than Stuckey had anticipated. She was so taken with the experience that she returned the following year to work at Camp Barnabas for six weeks.
During those weeks, Stuckey assisted campers in a variety of ways. She cared for them by feeding, bathing, and comforting them. It was the first time she’d been asked to love someone who didn’t want anything in return. Stuckey was a normal adolescent, insecure and preoccupied with himself. She didn’t have a lot of self-confidence. Despite this, she continued to attend to the needs of the campers under her care.
In the 1970s, the concept that you had to love yourself before you could even love someone else became popular. Several Christian pastors’ books, such as Walter Trobisch’s and Cecil Osborne’s, argued that you can’t love people properly until you have healthy self-esteem and ego.
Self-love, on the other hand, might make you oblivious to your own selfishness. You’re inclined to give yourself the benefit of a doubt if you injure somebody. However, if someone harms you in the same way, you will almost certainly criticize them harshly. Giving oneself a pass is a method for avoiding being honest with yourself about your flaws. Perhaps you’re frightened of confronting your flaws, fearful of sinking into a pit of self-pity.
Fortunately, as a Christian, you don’t have to choose between self-hatred and the laborious quest of self-love. You can achieve inner serenity by adopting self-forgetfulness.
Self-forgetfulness entails focusing your attention on something other than yourself. You may place God’s everlasting love at the heart of your life rather than finding your value via things that are always in transition, such as jobs or relationships. This will free you from the urge to love yourself, allowing you to focus on others.
Nothing can compare to God’s love for you, therefore that love is more than enough. You may tend to the needs of others without the weight of becoming your own love factory. That way, independent of how you feel about yourself, others may benefit from your support. And by assisting others, you will bring delight into your own life.
You’re Not Enough (and That’s Ok): Escaping the Toxic Culture of Self-Love by Allie Beth Stuckey Book Review
The self-love movement emphasizes that you’re perfect just the way you are. This, however, is a misconception. By our very origin, all humans are imperfect and changing. So, rather of providing you serenity and fulfillment, self-love practices make you feel like a failure or make you blame the world for not giving you the bliss you’re told you deserve. The fact is that you will never be enough, but that is irrelevant. You may let go of your laborious search for perfection and begin to feel at peace by accepting God’s limitless love for your flawed self.
Learn how to read the Bible for yourself.
If you’ve never read the Bible before, it might be daunting. However, it is the most authentic method to learn about God and how to live a life that brings you joy. Get a study Bible, such as the ESV Study Bible, and start with John. Consider the historical background of each chapter, as well as why you believe it was written and what it says about God, as you read. You might also consider your own actions to see if there is anything you can do to better with the word of God.